Everything Goes Black
by herwhiteknight
Summary: A one-shot Cosima thought-stream during the confrontation with Delphine where Cosima realizes that everything she'd ever known about Delphine had been a lie. Except for one thing.


It was a pivotal moment for Cosima. She stared at the screen, trying to process, trying to hold herself together while the world she once knew fell apart around her. She needed to piece it all together in her mind, because if she didn't, she would fall apart in front of Delphine. And she couldn't fall apart, because if she fell apart, then Delphine most certainly would be quick to comfort her, to wipe away her tears. And if Delphine comforted her while Cosima was trying to confront her, then things wouldn't end well for either of them.

_She was lying, Cosima, _she tried to tell herself. _She faked all of it. Everything, right down to the grades and the last name. _As she tried to convince herself of Delphine's deception, she stared at screen where Delphine, along with Dr. Leekie and a group of others, gazed up from an article photo.

After she realized that the clones could be differentiated, Cosima did some inquisitive, scientific digging. Always on the search for more knowledge, for more answers. She never realized that, one day, her science would provide an answer that she would try to reject with all of her heart, even as the facts stared her right in the face. _She was lying._

Those words bounced around in her skull, leaving her thoughts achingly hollow in her mind. Trying desperately to find a logical explanation to her discovery, she tested the subjective thought against anything that might be relevant that had happened between her and Delphine. The kiss that Delphine said she couldn't stop thinking about. Their first time, with all its passion and innocence. That thought pulled her up short. Disgust crawled up her spine; she felt dirty just thinking about it now, knowing that the intimacy had been underscored by lies. _Had it just been a ploy to distract me so that she could feed information to Leekie? _The feelings of guilt and shame rose in her mouth until they reached a crescendo in her mind, creating a physical taste of bile that coated her tongue. She swallowed hard, trying to keep herself focused for the inevitable confrontation.

The door opened behind her and Cosima heard her voice, her wonderful voice with its soft French timbre. _The voice of a liar, _she forcibly reminded herself as she twisted her laptop's screen towards Delphine, watching her face morph into terror, an expression she never thought she'd see on her face. Cosima wanted to reach out right then and there to comfort her and tell her that there was nothing to be afraid of and that everything would be alright. _But she's a liar, Cosima, _she repeated fiercely to herself, _She lied about everything else, so why would emotions be any different? _

_I can't believe you, I wont believe you! _She screamed inside her mind as she stood by the window, her body subconsciously going to the nearest exit point. _You lied about everything! How am I supposed to know what's real anymore?!_

She never wanted this. If she could've gone on falling for Delphine in blissful ignorance, then she would have. She cursed her inquisitive mind, her damned curiosity. She never realized that Delphine could have just as easily been branded a liar because she had been too blinded by the idea of a lover. But it was something that Cosima just had to come to terms with as she faced Delphine, a fresh wave of betrayal burning the word _"liar" _into her mind's eye. She never felt so furious, so angry or so livid in her life.

Or so absolutely broken.

"I didn't mean to fall for you...," Delphine tried to assure her earnestly, studying her eyes carefully as she continued softly, "But I have."

"Get out!" she screamed, throwing her hand wildly away from herself, pointing savagely towards the door.

And after Delphine had left, sent away by Cosima's vicious emotions that tore at her heart and the very air around her that she breathed, she took in an ugly gasp of air as she let her head fall back on weak hinges. Her hands went to her face then, tugging at her hair as her face crumpled into a despair that was so much blacker than anything she had ever known. She let out a heart-wrenching sob as one thought crossed through the blackness into her mind, _What you feel is real. She wasn't lying._


End file.
